


Memory Static

by Eternal_Love_Song



Series: ASBLS Expanded Universe [3]
Category: Original Work, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, Kid Fic, Pining, Single Parents, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Love_Song/pseuds/Eternal_Love_Song
Summary: "Yeah," He said softly. "She does. Deserve better."But she didn't have better; he didn't say it, but Kaisha heard it all the same. She had Kaisha, and because of her own stupid mistakes, would also have the empty place that belonged to Shogeki.Kaisha has to raise her daughter alone while trying not to drown in Shogeki's memory.
Relationships: Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s)
Series: ASBLS Expanded Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754704
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Memory Static

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeavenlyDIO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDIO/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Slightly Smutty Love Story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548330) by [HeavenlyDIO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDIO/pseuds/HeavenlyDIO). 
  * Inspired by [A Slightly Bitter Love Story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450927) by [HeavenlyDIO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDIO/pseuds/HeavenlyDIO). 



> Characters are based on HeavenlyDIO's OC's. Story linked above.

It was three in the morning. The lights were off and she was tired, even the small amount of light coming in from the widows hurting her strained eyes. Her body felt sore when she sat down, the hard surface of the rocking chair feeling more like a prison than when she had first gotten it more than a month ago. The bundle in her arms had only just begun to quiet from the soft whimpers that had pulled Kaisha from sleep, but she knew from experience that it would be hours yet before she could place her daughter back in her crib without her bursting into tears again.

It had not been a full month yet, but already Kaisha knew her daughter as well as she feared she may never never know her at all. She had spent hours staring at her dark hair, her bright eyes, but Kaisha still couldn't see herself in any of it. She looked at her daughter, loved her so fiercely that her chest might burst, but all she could see was him.

It was three in the morning, but it wasn't quiet. She had begun hearing the police sirens twenty minutes ago and despite the fact that no one had been to see her since she'd gotten out of the hospital, she knew that today was the day. She wouldn't say that she was waiting for it, that implied that she thought it would happen at all, but she would be lying if she said there wasn't a certain longing. She kept her back to the window, not wanting to watch for it, not wanting to feel the drop of disappointment every minute that nothing changed. She just listened to the sound of the rocker as it moved back and forth, back and forth, just like her thoughts.

She didn't turn when she heard the window open. She had left it unlatched on purpose, told herself that she would close it when she went to sleep, and didn't know if she had been lying. There were so many night she remembered of him climbing in through her window that the breath almost flew out of her as hard as the memories hit. She closed her eyes and pretended that she didn't see them play out on the back of her eyelids every night.

He didn't close the window behind him. He never did because he never knew how long he would be staying. At least, that's how it had been before. He hadn't seen her in months, by design she imagined, so she would never know if the rules were the same as they had been. He wouldn't tell her, had never told her and just left her to flounder and figure things out as she went, knowing that asking would be make then draw a line, and if there was a line he would never again cross it.

"Hey." He had the grace to sound subdued, if not sorry. Shogeki didn't do sorry very well and it would be out of character to expect it now. Her hands trembled and she held the baby closer to her body to make up for it, hoping that it wouldn't show. "Can I see her?"

Straight to the point. That was something she had loved about him, when she was desperate and begging him to fill the hole in her heart by using the ones in her body. It wasn't so attractive now, at three in the morning when he hadn't come to visit her in months. She would be lying if she said she didn't miss it either way.

"Her name is Ankara," she told him. She eased the babe away from her body, encouraging him to ask for her. Shgeki peered at her curiously, hesitantly, before looking up to meet her eyes. She had never been good at looking him in the eyes unless she was out of her mind with lust and now was no different. She looked away, holding her daughter a little more. "Go on."

He was surprisingly gentle as he cradled her. He looked at her so intently, his eye traveling from the crown of Ankara's head to the the tips of her toes. His expression wasn't soft and fond, wasn't wide eyed with wonder. It was hard, determined, a Shogeki look through and through. It told her more about his intentions than he would have in a twenty minute conversation.

"You won't be back." It was supposed to be a question, but she forgot to ask it. Instead she had laid it out between them as heavy as a brick. He looked at her and she refused to look back. There was nothing that she could see there to make her feel better, to ease the longing. Better to close her eyes and the Shogeki of her memories treat her more softly while he was slamming her against a wall than he ever would anywhere else.

He sighed. "You know her, she would... over react. I don't want..." Kaisha could imagine the helpless look on his face, had seen it a million times when he talked about Toga, the near indifferent shrug that was never filled with indifference and always bursting with more emotions than he cared to name. "Ankara deserves better," He finally said.

'Do I?' She wanted to ask, didn't dare risk hearing his answer. She just nodded because it's not like her words would ever make a difference, could ever make a difference if they hadn't in all this time. Then again, maybe she had never really tried either. Just closed her mouth, closed her eyes, and hide her tears. Shogeki was never going to care about someone like her, who couldn't even open her mouth unless she was being abused, when he had someone like Toga around to make him care. Maybe if Kaisha was the person she wanted to be... but she wasn't and that was just that.

"It's not fair to her," She said quietly. "Ankara... she deserves better than that."

He was silent for a while and she risked looking at him again. He had begun pacing with her, the conversation making him restless or anxious or angry, the emotions that he never figured out how to deal with in any way more meaningful than beating up villains, dealing with toga, or beating up... well, her, when she asked for it. Himself, when she didn't. Amazing what you could read when you watched someone long enough behind closed doors. Kaisha knew well what his anger looked like, only Toga got to see the rest, she supposed.

"Yeah," He said softly. "She does. Deserve better."

But she didn't have better; he didn't say it but Kaisha heard it all the same. She had Kaisha, and because of her own stupid mistakes, would also have the empty place that belonged to Shogeki. 

Kaisha just nodded. It didn't surprise her that this is how things were. Kaisha was a lot of awful things, insecure and weak and far too quick to cry, but the one thing she had never been was stupid. Kaisha had known from the start that she would never have Shogeki, it only made sense that Ankara couldn't either.

* * *

Ankara was a quiet child. Quiet and observant and much too smart for her own good. She took after her mother in that way, but Kaisha had tried to teach her not to be afraid to be loud, the way Kaisha still was. She didn't know if it worked, but Ankara was only four, there was still time to be a better parent to her than Kaisha's parents had been.

She was a very tactile child, always clinging to stuffed animals and cuddling into Kaisha whenever she could. Kaisha tried to love her enough for two, but she always felt like she fell short. There was always something that she felt like she should do better, something she felt like she was screwing up. Ankara cried less than Kaisha did as a child and she never complained. Kaisha was always afraid that meant Ankara was afraid to and tried so hard to comfort her that she'd nearly made herself cry a few times when she felt like she couldn't do so.

When she first discovered her quirk, small burst of static energy from her little finger tips that she'd been so happy to off, Kaisha had cried. She tried to tell Ankara that she was proud of her, reassure her that the tears weren't for her. Ankara hugged her as tightly as she could. "I'm sad too, Mommy." And that only served to make Kaisha cry harder.

Her daughter was too smart for her own good. 

Everyday she watched Kaisha as she watched the news. One day, while Kaisha was focused on a battle between Shock Jockey and the villain of the week, after he had used his quirk, Ankara turned to her with bright, excited eyes and Kaisha realized that she knew.

They didn't talk about it. Kaisha wanted to, had spent hours and then days, and then weeks trying to figure out how to explain things to her. What was there that she could say? Daddy has another family that he loved more than us. Mommy wasn't good enough to make him stay. That woman might kill us if she knew, she's nice but she's killed better people for less. There was no way to bring it up that didn't make it about her. About them. About Kaisha and Shogeki.

Kaisha couldn't think of anything more hurtful than to look into her daughter's eyes and tell her, "Daddy isn't here, but it has nothing to do with you."

And so she didn't. 

But just because they didn't talk about it didn't mean they acted like they didn't know. Ankara still cuddled with Kaisha, only now she would stop what she was doing to make sure they watched the news together, hoping to catch sight of him the same as she did. Ankara would watch old battles of Shock Jockey and try to practice his moves. She would spend hours sitting on the floor holding her hands together trying to summon her quirk, staring too intently and too close to her hands. Sometimes she'd succeed and the spark would hit her forehead and knock her over.

One time Ankara had laid on the floor afterward looking so grumpy and discontent with her failure that all she could see was Shogeki. Kaisha wondered if he had ever done this, lay on the floor and sulk the way Ankara was.

"Mommy?" Ankara asked softly, not moving from her full body sprawl on the floor.

"What is it, Kara?"

"I know it's a secret," she said softly, "And I promise I won't tell... but I... I want to see Daddy. Just once..."

Kaisha didn't know what to tell her, didn't know how to tell her that they couldn't, and just ended up crying instead. Ankara didn't ask again, but the thought never left Kaisha's mind.

And then one day they got lucky. There was a villain attack while they were out for a walk and they got there in time to see Shock Jockey talking to the cops. Kaisha had never learned to speak up for herself, despite how much she had always tried and always wanted to. For Ankara though, she found her voice without even trying. 

"Shock Jockey!" Shogeki looked at her. So did the cops and the crowd and the villain as he was being shoved into the back of the police car. Kaisha squeezed her daughters hand and refused to cowed. "My daughter would like an autograph!"

It was rare that anything caused him to have that deer in headlights look other than Toga. She didn't know how she felt to have caused it. There was a moment where it felt as if the whole world had frozen, as if Ankara was holding her breath, as if Shogeki has stopped moving entirely. It paused slowly before he had a few more words with the cops and began to walk over to them.

Ankara was practically vibrating in place.

"You're my hero!" She shouted as soon as he was close enough.

Shogeki chuckled, half nervous and half amused, as he bent down to her level. She wondered when he'd become good with kids or if he already had been. "I'm your hero, huh? Maybe I should hire you at my agency then, make it official?"

Ankara had never looked more awed and starstruck. "I've been practicing! Look!" She held her hands together and after a few moments was able to produce a spark that made her eyes light up with pride. She looked at him for approval and Kaisha noticed the stunned and somewhat pained look on his face. 

"T-that's great, kid."

"Ankara!" She told him. She looked around to see if anyone was watching them and once she was convinced of their relative privacy, Ankara reached out to take his hands. "I'm gonna grow up to be just as strong as you, okay? I promise!"

"Um...okay?" Shogeki looked at Kaisha, unsettled by the serious tone she was taking, but Kaisha didn't speak, just watched to see what her daughter would do with this chance. 

"I only want one thing, okay? Don't say no."

Shogeki raised an eyebrow and smirked, more amused now that Ankara was showing her childish side again. It was an expression that Kaisha missed more fiercely than she knew how to say. Not that she would. Not that she could, considering the situation.

Ankara leaned closer and lowered her voice. "Just this once... write Ankara Shogeki."

His eyes widened and he looked at Kaisha, but she was just as wide eyed at her daughters request. "K-kara..." Kaisha hadn't stuttered in years, but standing in front of Shogeki always seemed to take her back to old habits.

"I won't tell," she said quickly, looking between her mother and father. "Please? If you do it, I'll grow up to be a great hero just like you, okay?"

Shogeki looked at her for a while before he sighed. "Okay," he told her. "But you'd better keep your end of the promise, alright?"

Ankara's face lit up and she threw her arms around him in a tight hug, before remembering herself and scrambling back. She hide her arms behind her back, blushing and smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."

Kaisha had never been able to see herself in her daughter before this moment, despite all their similarities. She had only ever been able to see Shogeki's hair, Shogeki's eyes, Shogeki's smile, Shogeki's quirk. So she guessed it makes sense that being before him is what made her finally be able to the Kaisha in their daughter. She looked so shy, so wanting of his approval, so star struck. Kaisha's heart clenched and she hoped that Ankara would grow out of wanting anything from Shogeki in a way that Kaisha herself still had not.

Shogeki gave Ankara the autograph and ruffled her hair as he stood. He watched her a moment as she hugged the autograph to her chest, his expression conflicted and... Kaisha wanted to say sad as well, but that could have been her wishful thinking. It could have been her her aching heart. He looked up at her with that same expression, but he didn't say anything else. He walked passed her, grabbing her hand and briefly squeezing it as he did so. He didn't look at her and he didn't look back once as he returned to where he was. 

Kaisha continued watching him until he was gone, clutching the hand he had squeezed to her chest and trying to banish the pain in her heart.


End file.
